READING, U.K. - The lock on the downstairs bathroom is still apparently jammed, conveniently entrapping 48 year-old Auntie Jane during what was supposed to be a very special dinner to celebrate the birth of Baby Natasha.
"She's still pretending to be stuck in the bloody downstairs loo", Uncle Jim told reporters in-between cries for help which were obviously just attention-seeking like always. "Just got to give her some time to cool down, I suppose."
Eye witnesses reported scratching noises, loud knocking sounds and muffled utterings of "please" and "Jesus" from the downstairs toilet, where Auntie Jane has been indulging herself for almost 5 hours.
"What's wrong with Auntie Jane?" inquired 4 year old Tom outside the clearly functioning bathroom door.
"Nothing son, she's just [OBSCURED] bathroom", explained Uncle Jim under a fresh wave of selfish noise.
Kirsty and Patricia have speculated in the garden that Auntie Jane might be genuinely stuck in the downstairs toilet, and that it might be worth listening to her prolonged pleas for help. These rumours, however, have been blasted as "rubbish" by Mum, who insists that Auntie Jane is just making a scene like she always does when something nice happens to the family that doesn't involve her.
"She's just selfish," professed Mum as she inspected a plate of sausage rolls. "She did the same thing 10 years ago; she crashed the car at Christmas."
"All for attention," she added, biting into a cocktail sausage.
Neighbours concerned by the panicked screams of the selfish aunt have been reassured by family members that it's "nothing new", and that "you have to know her, [they] suppose."
At press time sources confirmed that the family ultimately opted to muffle the noise of Auntie Jane's infernal attempts at diverting the attention away from Baby Natasha by putting on Classic FM and shutting the dining room door.
Photo: ralphpaglia, Flickr