For years man has has asked himself the question “what do women want?”. He never actually asked a woman, because that would be cheating- but he certainly asked science, and for many years science provided a very definite answer. “Find the G-Spot” It said, “And would it kill you to take the trash out without being asked?”

But mankind was once again rocked by uncertainty today as a noted biologist revealed that the g-spot doesn’t actually exist.

“This is terrible!” Said Daniel Carrigan, 28, of Bangor, Maine. “I read up on countless issues of Cosmo to try and find out how to please a woman, but all I got over the years was some funny looks and a crick in my neck. Now I know I was wasting my time!”

“I’m considering suing all the women’s magazines. Frankly the whole business leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. A worse taste, even.”

Doctor Graham Brown, who made the shocking discovery, was worryingly bitter about the whole affair. “This doesn’t surprise me in the least.” He said, swigging from a third can of cheap lager. “Every orgasm in female history has been a dirty, dirty lie. You wanna know why? Because women just plain don’t like sex. They pretend to like it to get you to marry them, but then the whole charade comes to an end and the only thing that makes them happy is your continued misery and humiliation. Women are terrible, heartless liars and now I have the scientific proof.”

Other biologists counter-argue that while the existence of the g-spot may be in dispute, the existence of the clitoris certainly is not.

“Phhfff!” Said Doctor Brown, lighting another cigarette even though he was still smoking one. “Have you ever really seen a clitoris? I mean really? Just more lies. More lies and betrayal!”

Doctor Brown made the shocking discovery last thursday, shortly after finding his wife in bed with his boss, Dominic Sanchez, 32. Mrs. Brown and Mr. Sanchez are living in Miami and, according to their neighbors, seem very happy.

‘Arrrrrrrgh!” Said Doctor Brown. “Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!”