The Sports World was knocked sideways yesterday after two famous boxers began fighting.
The balmy British boxing barney broke out after a press conference in which the two boxers were expected to goad one and glare menacingly at one another. "But then all hell broke loose," recounts an eye witness. "One of them punched the other, he punched him back and before you could say 'Crikey Moses gentlemen, would you care to both calm it down a little?' a full scale fight had broken out. An actual fight, with real fighting and everything".
Never before has boxing descended into violence and if that was not enough, this morning it transpired that it wasn't just punches that were thrown; some really horrible things were also said during the hot-tempered, sweaty exchange. One boxer told the other he was the sort of "pansy who drives a pink car with a little dog in the passenger seat". There are unsubsantiated claims that there were threats to urinate in one another's bird baths as well.
The U.K's Boxing's governing body, British Boxing Board of Control, were quick to speak out on the matter. "These boxers have let themselves down, and they have let the sport down. There is no room for violence in British boxing. Their actions have made us all look like idiots." The BBC also waffled on about the likelihood of a life-time boxing ban for the two boxers, describing a "lifetime boxing ban" as "likely".
Famous veteran boxing trainer Frank Brancake this morning told gurning reporters, "I'm appalled that two people who spend their working lives punching other men around the head would be the same sort of people to get into a fight. It's left me completely disillusioned with the sport. In fact, I am to take up dog-fighting. That is far more dignified than all of this. Cheers, see you later, yeah?"