Having faced a barrage of accustaions of indifference and procrastination, NATO has finally stepped up to the mark regarding the widespread bloodshed on the streets of the cities of Syria.
"We cannot simply stand idly by" NATO Secretary General Anders Fogh Rasmussen mumbled to a pack of reporters "whilst all these people, children women and men are shot to ribbons with machine guns and hacked into little pieces with swords. It has been going on for months now, which we all now agree, is too long. It was unanimously decided that the time for silence and shrugging of shoulders; is over. It's time to write a pretty stern letter."
Addressed to "Your Mighty Awesome and Democratically Voted Excellence President Bashar al-Assad", the official NATO headed letter contains such explosive and heavy lines as "could you please think about considering killing less people at some point.... or at least hurry it up a bit?" as well as making such direct and confrontational moralising as "it's all not really very nice".
The letter then signs off with "I know you're real busy what with all the killing and all that so thanks for taking the time to read this." (signed) Your chums at NATO x x"
Russian Demi-God Vladimir Putin was quick to distance himself from actions he described as "wholly inappropriate", describing the Syrian outbreaks as "murderous and tantamount to civil war". In an address he gave booming down from a thunderous cloud he made it clear that the only way to end the violence would be to send a large cache of arms and chemical weapons to President Bashar al-Assad and his army to "crush like vermin the unwashed and ill-educated rebellious masses".
Assuming that the correct postage was paid, the letter should have reached President Bashar al-Assad by yesterday morning, but it is not known or not whether the Recorded Delivery paperwork was signed for.
Photo courtesy of Ras67 on Wikimedia Commons