This morning an unusual request hit the trading floor at the New York Stock Exchange, BUY LOT OCPYWLST 1,000,000,000. For those less familiar with business jargon, that means buy 100,000,000,000 shares in Occupy Wallstreet.
Apparently, Lloyd Blankfein, CEO of Goldman Sachs thought the Occupy Wallstreet movement would be a great investment, "They're young, full of energy, and are really shaking things up. I appreciate young startups like that. Sure, their business model isn't exactly 'polished,' but with some coaching they'll be cash-flowing shortly."
It was noon before Mr. Blankfein was told the buy order didn't go through. Everyone was too afraid to tell him that you can't buy Occupy Wallstreet.
Senior strategist, Ted Minks, told us, "It's perplexing that they're not listed on the stock exchange. They're missing out on such an opportunity. Their energy and time and our money would make us rich. We could do product placement and media manipulation. We could make billions. Of course, they would earn a little too, but we'd probably make them give dividends to us, sooooo they wouldn't make much, but the company would!"
The large banks' leaders have been behind closed doors all afternoon. Rumors have leaked out that they are trying to figure out how to own the movement, Occupy Wallstreet. Among their strategies are; offer them jewels, give them free t-shirts (after applying for credit cards), and paying Google and Facebook to "make it happen."