After news of the recent listeria outbreak, the CEO of Taco Bell, Greg Creed, attempted to call a member of his staff. However, he misdialed.

We at The Leaky Wiki are proud to provide you with a transcript of that call, in it’s entirety.

“Oh crap, oh crap, c’mon pick up. Dammit! Okay, whatever. Larry, this is Greg. I just turned on the news and found out there’s a listeria outbreak.We can’t keep having these outbreaks, Larry. Didn’t we have a salmonella outbreak, like, two months ago? Or was that E. Coli?

“Look, the point is… wait. They just said it was cantaloupe. Do we use cantaloupe for anything, Larry? Larry… I don’t think it was us. [Laughter] Oh thank god! I just get so worried, y’know. It seems like every time some disease gets out, we’re connected. Especially diarrhea. Hey, did you know that kids even call diarrhea "the Taco Bell shits"? I’d be offended, but that’s great brand recognition right there.

“But anyway, we really dodged a bullet there, pal. A couple years back, they wanted to add more fruit, but thank god we didn’t, am I right? I mean, people that're health conscious don’t really buy our stuff. Remember when we started replacing the lettuce with green confetti? [laughter] I told you no one would notice. [laughter, sigh] Well, good talking to you, Larry. Take care.”