Over a decade after his alleged crimes, Milton Waddams plead not guilty to embezzling over two hundred thousand dollars from Initech, the bygone software company that Waddams worked for at the time. He is also charged with arson for burning the Initech to the ground. Oddly enough, he plead guilty to this charge. In his testimony, Waddams said, “I told them. They kept moving my desk. And I couldn’t see the squirrels anymore. And then he took my stapler. And I said that I’d burn the whole place down.”
Waddams first became a suspect when police were unable to find him for questioning. Just hours after the arson, Waddams was already on a plane to Panama, which does not extradite criminals to the U.S. He was apprehended when the plane he was taking to Switzerland suffered a mechanical problem and needed to land in Puerto Rico. Bill Lumbergh, Waddams’s former boss and current manager of Chotchkies, is pleased that the man who ruined his career has been caught.
“Yeahhh [sic],” Lumbergh said, “Milton was always a bit odd. He had serious problems with his TPS reports. In hindsight, I’m not surprised he snapped. But I’m still going to sue him. My stock in Initech plummeted when he burned it down. If he could pay me what I lost, that’d be great.”
The defense says that it plans to use character witnesses to prove that Initech created an unhealthy work environment. Peter Gibbons, Samir Nagheenanajar, and Michael Bolton (not to be confused with the popular and talented singer of the same name) have already submitted testimony that employees were pressured to work weekends and were given faulty equipment and ennui. There are also rumors that the defense is in contact with “The Bobs,” who claim that there was, in fact, a plot by management to make Waddams’s life at Initech so miserable that he’d quit.
While this reporter doesn’t want to jump to conclusions, it’s safe to say that this will be one interesting trial.