Sheriff Joe Arpaio is well known for being a tough customer, and his stance on illegal immigration is tougher than most. That’s why when President Barrack Obama produced his birth certificate as proof of his American citizenship, Sheriff Arpaio responded with characteristic skepticism.

“Anyone can forge a birth certificate,” he said. “Particularly the Chinese, who I hear can forge anything if they put their minds to it. For all I know Barrack Obama is a Chinaman in a convincing robot suit.”

“The only way to be completely sure is for the President to agree to a complete genetic screening. Then we can find out if he really is African-American, or, as I suspect, a lizard-man.”

Genetic screening is currently used in the medical world to... wait a minute, holy shit, a lizard-man? Really?

“Yep,” said the Sheriff. “You show me the evidence that he’s not a representative of a subterranean race of lizard-human hybrids. You can’t can you? Genetic screening is the only way to be sure that those in power aren’t secretly trying to trick us with lies about global warming so that we cool the surface of the earth and are forced into underground caverns where we will ultimately become slaves to the lizard-men.”

“I read it on the internet,” he continued. “I’m fairly sure the lizard-men are in cahoots with the Chinese.”

The Leaky Wiki asked if Sherif Arpaio would subject all presidential candidates to a genetic screening process.

“Of course not!” laughed the Sheriff. “Just the ones that aren’t white.”