New York City, NY -

Roger Gutierrez, a senior at New York University, is just one of many inconsiderate assholes that have started using their new $500+ iPads to complain about not having enough money.  In a tweet dated 8:57 p.m. March 17th, Roger wrote, “I’d totally go clubbin [sic] but funds are tight cuz my boss is a biatch!”  The ignoramus was apparently unable to forge a cause and effect relation with a tweet wrote just six hours earlier which read, “New iPad Biatches!!! Set me back $650 all in. Worth it!”

Roger is not alone.  Every year, millions of rabid technophiles line the streets for the newest gizmo, armed with nothing but spirit, excitement, and some bullshit excuse about why they need whatever the hell it is they’re getting.  In Roger’s case, he stated on his blog that “the New IPAD [sic] will finally let me get around to doing all the reading I’ve wanted to.”  Roger, of course, like many people, loves to read, but only so long as he doesn’t have to read slightly grainy letters, or go to a bookstore,  or to go to a library, or buy books online, or download from Project Gutenberg.  Roger loves to read, and so he really really needs the New iPad.

If the past is any indication, the next few weeks will be prone to an above average amount of both whining and bragging on Twitter, and a 42% increase in the use of the term “nerdgasm.”  After the initial euphoria has worn off, these ingrates will start complaining about any and every slight imperfection in a piece of technology that was inconceivable just a decade ago.  Within a month, they’ll have tuckered themselves out like toddlers after they've thrown a temper tantrum in the supermarket.  Then, mercifully, they’ll shut the hell up.  Until the next version comes out, which should be any fucking day now.

Photo courtesy of Veronica Belmont on the Flickr.com Creative Commons