Atlanta, GA -- A study published in the International Journal on Sleep Studies claims to have discovered a cure for insomnia. The article’s author, Dr. Montgomery Richmond, says that his findings will revolutionize the way insomnia is treated in men. “The biggest problem in treating insomnia,” Dr. Richmond said, “is that the medication used to do so can be highly addictive and usually has serious side-effects. My new method is completely drug-free and almost free of cost."
But what is this new treatment? According to The Leaky Wiki’s resident Physiology/Phrenology expert, Dr. Gustav Schmidtenhauser, “The process is incredibly simple. The insomniac simply reads ten to thirty pages of Sense and Sensibility. At this point, it becomes nearly impossible for the reader to maintain consciousness.”
Although this method has been shown to work, doctors aren’t entirely sure how or why. According to Dr. Richmond, “The initial hypothesis was that the tedious nature of the story made reading it similar to staring at a blank wall. But upon further examination, we found that people in the test group had higher levels of estrogen than people in the control group, who were reading Huckleberry Finn and outdated tractor repair manuals. Our current hypothesis is that the increased estrogen is causing a hormonal imbalance, exhausting the reader. It’s the same thing that makes teenagers sleep for sixteen hours a day.”
While Sense and Sensibility have not been approved by the FDA as a treatment for insomnia, the American Medical Association has supported it as a treatment. Sense and Sensibility is available over the counter at most bookstores.