France will be sending approximately 400 thousand troops to Mali in the fight against the Islamist militants who control the northern half of the African nation, French Defense Minister Jean-Yves Le Drian told the UN Security Council. This will be one of several controversial decisions from France’s defense ministry, who have confirmed that their latest order was made simply to “you know, stay a little cautious about this whole situation.”
Britain has promised assistance and has already sent its formidable navy to prevent militants from leaving the land-locked nation.
Mali, a former French colony, has close ties with Europe and pled for assistance last week as advancing militants threatened to capture the capital Bamako.
France responded to Mali’s request with air strikes on militant bases and cities over the weekend. Experts have noted that French force composed of standard infantry facing a small, highly mobile group of militants who blend in to the local populace, is startlingly similar to the early months of the Afghanistan war. French officials have assured the public, however, that the similarities are only a coincidence and that “the conflict will probably end in the next 24 hours or so, anyway.”
In a move that shocked observers, the militants temporarily halted their permanent pyre of American flags, American Constitutions, and the book I Am America (And So Can You!), to add a single French flag onto the blaze.
Pundits in American media have taken news of French intervention in Mali lightheartedly, calling the event “Timbukterrorstan” and jokingly referring to France’s latest military deployment as a long-awaited exodus from Europe. According to local talk show host William Grutson, “They shoulda left it to ‘Murica [sic].”
As of press time, there have been several unverified reports of children in the occupied Mali territory stepping on snails and burning effigies of Charles de Gaulle.