As the row over the finding of horse DNA in labelled beef products rages The Leaky Wiki can reveal that bananas imported from China have been found to be up to 100% horse meat.
Random spot checking of food products by the Port Health Authority has shown the bananas to contain anywhere between 74 and 100% horse DNA. A spokesman for the Authority provided our reporter with this statement, "its completely inconceivable that the fruit could more resemble an equine sausage over a potassium laden foodstuffs. It is unacceptable to have found such a great deal of horse by-product in the banana's as current legislation only allows for below 50% meat in fruits".
Ping Ding, our Chinese correspondent, has been to the plantation where the banana's were sourced. He asked machine maintenance mechanic Li Jon, who will remain anonymous, how this mix up happened. "Its not so much of a mystery to workers here at the plantation. The fertilizer we use is made almost entirely of dead donkeys. The mules are used by local merchants to transport water and goods too the local marketplace. When they look a bit worse for wear they are sold to the plantation where they are ground into a fine paste and used to feed the ravenous banana trees."
Patrick Hashergrot, minister for food safety, called the incident 'nothing to worry about.' "The government doesn't consider this a public health issue. Its quite possible that people have been consuming horse meat in their fruit and vegetables for years and not noticed. I'm not usually one for puns but you can be sure that this is nothing-horse to worry about."
If you have purchased any bananas over the past two weeks and are concerned about the possibility of horseplay in your food, please feel free to return your product with receipt and you might get a refund or something.