Trayeville, NQ -- A total of 115 scientists were injured during an all-out brawl between the Trayeville Bullying Association and the Trayeville Scientists Association last Friday.
What may be the most massive fight in recent Trayeville history ensued as a result of a terrible mistake - the Chensey Convention Center, the site of the incident, mistakenly reserved adjacent convention areas for the bullying association and the scientists' association. CCC event planner and lead organizer Janet Hopperkins issued an urgent press release in the wake of the event.
"We sincerely apologize to the 112 scientists accidentally bullied during last Friday's convention. The matter had been a fatal mistake in event planning - the upper floor convention area that was supposed to be used by the bullying convention had facility problems, and we were forced to move them next door to the scientists' meeting.
"We tried to hide the sign announcing that scientists were right next door, but I guess one of the bullies found out they were standing right next to a literal gold mine of nerds."
According to Hopperkins, the attack began at 8:52 P.M, when a small group of bullies, (among them Trayeville Bullying Association President Horace X. Mahone) infiltrated conference room A7 of the CCC, discovering Trayeville Scientists Association Vice President Cubert I. Werthram discussing advanced methods of algebraic factoring.
"Man, when I heard that four-eyes talking about exponents, I felt an immense persuasion to kick him in the gut," said Mahone during an exclusive prison interview. "You would too if you saw those nerds talking about the finer sciences of biology and chemistry."
The final straw, according to Mahone, was when he heard "one of those losers make a lame joke about the circumference of a circle. As a member of the bullying association of Trayeville, I feel we owed a debt to bullies everywhere to put a stop to this madness once and for all.
Mahone then returned to the conference center, performed a rousing speech that raised the spirits of the 256 bullies present, and had a select group of assistants hand out pamphlets of instructions as well as assorted bullying tools, such as spitballs, water guns full of cat urine, and boxes of rubber bands. The group then stormed into the scientists convention center and immediately proceeded to beat the scientists up.
"It was terrible," typed Trayeville Scientists Association President Nedward Robinson, through the use of his left hand in an interview at his hospital room at the Mother of Mercy Hospital in Trayeville. Robinson was unable to use the rest of his body parts, as they were severely injured when a group of bullies threw him off the railing of the upper level of the convention room.
"Everywhere I looked, my brethren were being abused by bullies. Pants were flying everywhere, The sound of spitball fire filled the hall, and the entire room was full of shrieks and declarations of 'Uncle! Uncle!'"
Robinson himself suffered third-degree indian burns, thirteen separate instances of titty twisters, severe skull damage due to a set of noogies given by the TBA President, and loss of pants. As he was being carried into the ambulance, a bully disguised as a paramedic attempted to give him a wet willy while unconscious, but failed.
"They said, "stop hitting yourself", over and over again, but I couldn't, because they were hitting me with my own hands," wailed Robinson, who had to pause for five minutes to weep silently.
"I am outraged that this childlike hatred of nerds has evolved into a hatred for scientists," said Robinson, who coincidentally was a classmate and bullying target of Mahone during grade school. "We will be taking legal action against the Trayeville Bullying Association for this unprovoked attack."
After being informed, Mahone simply laughed at this threat. "If they try taking legal action against us, we're going to go "legal action" on their faces. 'legal' meaning 'rage-powered' and 'action' meaning 'barrage of extreme bullying methods."
As of press time, the Trayeville Scientists Association has brought the attention of the attack to its partner, the Trayeville Principals Association. In a public press conference, a member of the Trayeville Bullying Association said that for 'tattling to the principals', a select group of members will take chosen members of the Trayeville Scientists Association behind the local schoolyard and beat them up at 3 o' clock every afternoon.