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Horoscopes

Libra: The eclipse of Mars by Venus suggests that you have a secret admirer! But do that special someone a favor, and act surprised when he sends you your first letter written in his own blood.

Scorpio: People often tell you that the truth will set you free. While this may be true in an existential sense, the truth will almost definitely get you 3-5 years in a medium security prison.

Sagittarius: You might have to make the best of a bad situation. It would be advisable to watch Weekend at Bernie’s, just in case.

Capricorn: Things seem to be spiraling out of control. Now would be a good time to pull back on the throttle and even things out before you drop below cruising altitude.

Aquarius: Things in your life will become clearer, and you may have some newfound regrets. Like waiting so long to see an optometrist.

Pisces: Sometimes you have to let people you don’t like take the lead. Just remember, the early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Monday, 14 January 2013 21:05

Los Angeles Man Sees His Breath, Six Weeks Til Swimsuit Season

Written by  Matthew Kahn

Los Angeles, California -  Brad Sherman, a thirty two year old advertising executive from Studio City, left his apartment this morning at 7:32 a.m.  Once out in the open, Sherman saw his breath, to the delight of the crowd gathered to watch this annual tradition.  “Six more weeks!” cheered Angela Green, a waitress from West Hollywood.

This is Sherman’s third year as the Angelino.  According to local tradition, when the Angelino sees his breath that means there are only six weeks left until swimsuit season. Harry Tessup, 52, a local historian, has been to every Angelino Day event for the last 23 years.  “I first went with my dad when I was just six or seven,” Tessup told The Leaky Wiki, “Ever since then, I’ve been in love with the tradition.”  As are many other locals, for whom this quaint tradition has special significance.

Every year, dozens crowd together, huddled against temperatures as low as 50 degrees, just waiting to catch a glimpse of the Angelino.  “I just can’t wait for the weather to heat up,” said Angela Green.  This is a sentiment shared with many of the other attendees.  “It’s so cold I have to wear layers!” declared John Reson, a line cook from Century City.

Cheers and sighs of relief fill the air when Sherman leaves his domicile.  He rubs his hands together, exhales and looks surprised and slightly confused as the vapor rises in front of his face.  More cheers from the crowd.   After Sherman drives off, the crowd begins to disperse.  As he climbs into his car, John Reson says, “Just six more weeks!  Thank god.  Three months of wearing sweaters and shit is too long.”

 

Photo courtesy of iamchad on the flickr.com creative commons

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