Libra: The eclipse of Mars by Venus suggests that you have a secret admirer! But do that special someone a favor, and act surprised when he sends you your first letter written in his own blood.
Scorpio: People often tell you that the truth will set you free. While this may be true in an existential sense, the truth will almost definitely get you 3-5 years in a medium security prison.
Sagittarius: You might have to make the best of a bad situation. It would be advisable to watch Weekend at Bernie’s, just in case.
Capricorn: Things seem to be spiraling out of control. Now would be a good time to pull back on the throttle and even things out before you drop below cruising altitude.
Aquarius: Things in your life will become clearer, and you may have some newfound regrets. Like waiting so long to see an optometrist.
Pisces: Sometimes you have to let people you don’t like take the lead. Just remember, the early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
As the debate on gun violence rages in Congress and across the punditry, this reporter has found startling anecdotal evidence that the leading cause of violence is aggressive video games.
The Leaky Wiki talked with a…
In the aftermath of President Barack Obama's re-election, droves of Job Creators are leaving the United States in record numbers. Earlier today, Michigan and New York state both reported the loss of over 90% of their…
Shortly after the Vice-Presidential debate tonight, candidate Joe Biden apologized for making his opponent, Paul Ryan, cry.
"I am sorry I made my good friend cry tonight," said Mr. Biden. "I must admit that it was…