Capitol Hill - Saturday, July 30th, with the potential for an American default only several days away, US civil servants put their differences aside to make the responsible decisions the American people have hoped for.

Some of the quotes that came out of the Republican Party will surely be written in history textbooks:

"I've spent my whole life serving the people, and I'm not going to let them down now. Let's put our petty differences aside and make a deal that puts us on the track towards a better future."

"Yes, I represent the Tea Party movement. We're a reasonable group. Let's negotiate a deal that will help everyone."

The Debt Deal didn't end there. Since everyone was in the same place, leaders decided to tackle some of society's largest problems. A bipartisan agreement was reached that <b>within the next five business days<b>, Cancer, Global Warming, and the Hipster Problem would be dealt with.

Obama was the most vocal on these issues. It was said he had a tear in his eye, "In the past I might have worried about what will help me get re-elected. Well, that man is gone. I just want to do the right thing."

In addition to the new attitude on Capitol Hill, elected officials have waived their special pension funds and healthcare, citing, "We only want what the average American has. It's just not fair otherwise."