Local man Hugh Browning made a shock announcement earlier today after a chance encounter with television celebrity Simon Cowell.
“He was a total prick!” Said Browning, 32. “I mean, you sort of expect celebrities to be nice, because they’re rich and comfortable beyond the means of most of the worlds population. But Cowell was just a massive, flopping prick.”
Browning, who is a plumber from Ipswich, UK, had a chance encounter with the celebrity when they shared a lift in Harrods.
“I was there to buy a pint of milk.” Said Browning. “Just so I could say I bought something from Harrods. And there he was in the lift! Now, like most people, I instinctively hate Simon Cowell because of his horrible television programs and ridiculous square head, but I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. I didn’t mention how I thought he was a talentless whore who should be flogging televisions somewhere in Northampton, I just smiled politely and commented on the weather.”
Browning became visibly angry as he recounted the rest of his story: “He just ignored me! And I’m almost sure he made a tutting noise under his breath. Was I rude? No. Did I mention that his idea of entertainment had single-handedly lowered the collective IQ of western civilization? No. Did I mention that a man so rich should be able to afford a better shaped head? No. I just mentioned the weather and he gave me the cold shoulder. What a colossal, dripping, foul-smelling prick that man is.”
The Leaky Wiki tried to contact Mr. Cowell for a statement, but all we heard over the phone was some suspicious fapping noises.