The end of the world has suffered another major setback, now with the Forces of Chaos found to be in a state of unreadiness, The Leaky Wiki has learned. In an exclusive interview with the seven archangels of the Presence, the fabled Watchers, it was revealed that humanity is headed for another major letdown. “Ever since funding got cut for final cataclysm readiness,” said Archangel Uriel, “we have been woefully unprepared. How are we supposed to unleash the Forces of Chaos when we just don’t have the backing like we used to?” The postponement comes as another blow to those who have been anxiously awaiting final Judgment, as the postponements seem to be almost as predictable as the predictions for the end itself.
Archangel Reuel agreed. “It’s getting to the point where people think they have it figured out, that this will never really happen, and we should never have let that happen,” Reuel said. “Look,” he continued vehemently, “don’t you think I’m disappointed too? My job is to take vengeance out on the world of the luminaries, and I lost all my backing also. Times are hard, and I don’t know if I’ll have to just seek reassignment with Remiel and Gabriel, I think they’ve already bailed.”
“2012 seemed to have such promise,” interjected Michael, “then some clown pointed out that these numbers are just arbitrary and we out here in the Cosmic Realm don’t really give two shakes if you call the day one, two, one thousand, or two thousand twelve. I can’t count, and I certainly never told the Mayans anything about it, we were just hoping to cash in on some widespread panic and anxiety.” Indeed, what of all the failed promises up until this point?
“That’s not our fault,” said Sariel, “talk to MISTER BIG about that, he can’t seem to make up his stinking mind about these things, or at least, he gets our hopes up as much as yours,” he turned away in disgust. “Ever since these were made matters of financial consideration, there is no telling how long it might take to finally go for the big blowout,” he lamented.
The news will not come as any genuine surprise to those who have learned from our own past. Without fail, each time there is widespread rumor of the end of the world, it invariably gets postponed, to the point that it seems that there never really was a viable plan to go forward with it in the first place. That is the inescapable conclusion that we here at The Leaky Wiki have come to.
“You better not print that,” warned Uriel, “or I might just have to start some new false rumors.” I couldn’t help but notice a twinkle in his eye as he said it, and gently nudged Raphael, who was standing next to him at the time.
“2020, anyone?” laughed Raphael.
“No thanks,” I replied,” I’m a little gun-shy these days.”