WASHINGTON D.C-- DARPA Chief Dr. Alex Blanche was under scrutiny today after he confessed to ‘losing’ a multi-million dollar project.
“The ‘LightBlender’ was a portable garment designed to render it’s wearer invisible to the human eye as well as thermal imaging and even microwave scrutiny." He said. "The technology comprises of years of research and billions of dollars of investment.”
When asked how such an important item could be misplaced, Dr. Blanch was distraught.
“It’s invisible!” he wailed. “That’s the whole damn point!”
When pressed, the doctor blushed and offered further explanation.
“You know how it is... when we finally had a working prototype everybody wanted to celebrate! Champagne was opened, somebody put on some Smashmouth, and then the next thing I know I’m waking up in the bath tub and the LightBlender is nowhere to be seen.
“We first thought that one of the interns might have taken it and used it for its original intended purpose- to hang out in Beyonce’s dressing room. When we got there, however, all we found was a confused and angry Beyonce.”
The LightBlender, once found, could be a tremendous boon to the American economy, forwarding scientific advancement in ways not seen since the birth of the digital age.
“The applications for an invisibility cloak are incredible!” Said Dr. Blanche. “Not just Beyonce’s dressing room, but Scarlet Johansson, Elisha Cuthbert... the possibilities are endless!”