In news that will delight family members, Bee Gees fans and headline writers, former Bee Gee Robin Gibb has emerged from a coma, and looks set to leave hospital in the next few days, and will continue stayin' alive.
I spoke to a headline writer at a major British tabloid, about the delight this has caused amongst his peers. He spoke on condition of remaining anonymous.
"Whenever someone in the creative realm is in the news, we scour their back catalogue, to look for potential puns in the overlap between events and titles," he told me. "There was some discussion over whether colonic cancer could in any way be defined as 'night fever', but we drew a blank. This really is a spectacularly fortunate outcome."
I asked my source if he could give more of an insight into the kind of ideas that go unused behind the scenes.
"Well, at one point my paper was going to run a photo of Gibb in his hospital bed on the front page with 'You Should Be Dancing' as the headline, but we decided that taunting the comatose was a new low even for us!" he laughed. "Instead, there'll be a story in a few weeks when our photographers stalk him as he's out with friends. We can use 'Dancing' as a headline for that situation instead."
"You win again!"
My source looked puzzled.
"I don't follow."
"Never mind," I said, wondering if that was an Osmonds release. "You were saying?"
"Well, you've got to be aware that we in the headline writing profession are so averse to putting effort into our work, that we make football pundits look like Leo da Vinci."
He paused for a moment, as if lost in confusion. "Was he the smart guy, or the kid in Titanic? I've got the internet here, I could just check...na never mind, it's probably right."
While Gibb not dying is obviously a positive outcome, the headline writers look into the possible uses for almost every song, and almost every scenario. Any outcome will leave a number of great puns unusable.
"There is part of me that hopes he travels back in time seventy one years, travels to Manhattan, and gets involved in a fatal fight with a mime. If that happens, I've got the perfect pun lined up."