Los Angeles, California - At 3:36 p.m. yesterday afternoon, in the middle of a busy supermarket, Academy Award winning actor Morgan Freeman and Academy Award nominated actor Gene Wilder got into a delightful screaming match. It is unclear what the fight was about, but witnesses said that it “sounded amazing.” A cashier who heard the argument reported, “It was beautiful. I imagine this is what it sounds like when angels yell at each other.”
Freeman’s voice was described as “velvety” and “as cool as a glass of lemonade on a hot summer day,” while Wilder’s voice was reported as being, “musical” and “smoother than glass.” One onlooker told The Leaky Wiki that, “when Freeman called Wilder a ‘stupid motherfucker’ it was like listening to a sunset. And when Wilder called him a ‘lousy bum,’ that was like hearing the Beatles for the first time.”
The argument lasted for almost fifteen minutes, as a crowd gathered to watch the aging movie-stars soothingly shout at each other. The argument grew in intensity and complexity like a glorious vocal symphony, until Freeman’s tenor and Wilder’s alto reached a harmonic crescendo that brought a puppy back to life. Having brought a sense of child-like wonder back to all the men and women who witnessed the fight, Wilder and Freeman left the supermarket in a hurry.
Neither Gene Wilder nor Morgan Freeman have responded to any attempts to contact them, but this reporter will keep trying, because their voicemail recordings are amazing.
SUPERMARKET PHOTO: Lindsay Holmwood, Flickr Creative Commons