FLORENCE, CO -- Wayne "Dubbadub" Wilkes, formerly of Muncie, IA and now serving 14 consecutive life sentences in the United States Penitentiary supermax prison in Florence, CO, has a problem. Having taken on the role of a hitman for a prominent prison gang, he now claims that his peers are subjecting him to the silent treatment.
"The trouble started when I made my latest shank," Wilkes said on Monday. A prison shank is a stabbing weapon. Inmates fashion shanks, also known as shivs or "little stabby friends," out of anything they can find and use them against rival gangs.
"Now, I've made a few shanks in my time, and I've learned some things about their construction." Wilkes continued. Thing is, there's only one sure place to hide a shank: up your bumbum. It can be seriously uncomfortable walking around with an icepick up there, let me tell you."
Wilkes paused, looked around, then continued "So, I thought, okay, I know this is going up my butt, why not make it out of something that is meant to go up butts and maybe be a little more comfortable? Seemed perfectly sensible to me, but now everyone in here is acting like I'm weird or something."
Wilkes became agitated, rising from his chair and shouting down the prison gallery. "It's not like I'm running at my victims ass first, guys! I just want a little comfort!"
But comfort has been elusive for Wayne Wilkes in recent weeks. His gang pals haven't asked him to stab anyone at all. Now Wilkes fears he may not have the gang's protection he fought so hard to earn. What does an ostracized prison hitman do when his gang turns on him?
"Yeah, I don't know," Wilkes admitted. "Shank a lot of them, I guess."
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