Libra: The eclipse of Mars by Venus suggests that you have a secret admirer! But do that special someone a favor, and act surprised when he sends you your first letter written in his own blood.
Scorpio: People often tell you that the truth will set you free. While this may be true in an existential sense, the truth will almost definitely get you 3-5 years in a medium security prison.
Sagittarius: You might have to make the best of a bad situation. It would be advisable to watch Weekend at Bernie’s, just in case.
Capricorn: Things seem to be spiraling out of control. Now would be a good time to pull back on the throttle and even things out before you drop below cruising altitude.
Aquarius: Things in your life will become clearer, and you may have some newfound regrets. Like waiting so long to see an optometrist.
Pisces: Sometimes you have to let people you don’t like take the lead. Just remember, the early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

| Date | Title | Hits |
|---|---|---|
| 04/22/2012 21:51:22 | Game Companies Angry at Valve Over Portal 2 | 2706 |
| 08/25/2011 18:59:40 | London Riots Incited by Jersey Shore's Skank Spores | 2775 |
| 08/24/2011 15:54:39 | Videogame Companies Blamed for Recent Debt Ceiling Crisis | 3005 |
| 08/17/2011 15:50:14 | Michele Bachmann's Husband Suffering From Severe Gaydiation Poisoning | 4328 |
| 05/01/2011 21:23:22 | Osama Bin Laden's Death Interrupts Donald Trump's The Celebrity Apprentice | 962 |
For any questions, comments, concerns or suggestions please email:
Jake Kaplan - jake (at) theleakywiki (dot) com