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Horoscopes

Libra: The eclipse of Mars by Venus suggests that you have a secret admirer! But do that special someone a favor, and act surprised when he sends you your first letter written in his own blood.

Scorpio: People often tell you that the truth will set you free. While this may be true in an existential sense, the truth will almost definitely get you 3-5 years in a medium security prison.

Sagittarius: You might have to make the best of a bad situation. It would be advisable to watch Weekend at Bernie’s, just in case.

Capricorn: Things seem to be spiraling out of control. Now would be a good time to pull back on the throttle and even things out before you drop below cruising altitude.

Aquarius: Things in your life will become clearer, and you may have some newfound regrets. Like waiting so long to see an optometrist.

Pisces: Sometimes you have to let people you don’t like take the lead. Just remember, the early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

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Last 15 Forum Posts
DateDESCASCSubjectDESCASCCategoryDESCASCHitsDESCASC
11/29/2012 02:45:10Re: Where is everyone?Moderator Room11
07/05/2012 22:23:50Re: Pitch For CrackedArticle Discussion20
04/12/2012 05:28:57The "Help!" threadArticle Discussion73
04/05/2012 05:02:41Dozens of Kittens Die in Cat-tastropheArticle Discussion76
03/04/2012 03:08:04Re: ScribolModerator Room4
02/26/2012 09:21:07Re: Constitutional ConventionModerator Room14
02/25/2012 20:57:07Re: Ministry of TruthModerator Room17
02/17/2012 01:37:51Re: HororscopesArticle Discussion262
02/14/2012 06:41:31Re: Opinions on semi-completed TLW InvestigatesArticle Discussion53
02/14/2012 06:36:47Opinions on semi-completed TLW InvestigatesArticle Discussion53
02/05/2012 08:14:43Should I submit this?Article Discussion70
02/03/2012 11:27:58Re: HororscopesArticle Discussion262
01/29/2012 10:33:03Re: The Leaky Wiki InvestigatesArticle Discussion86
01/27/2012 22:20:26Re: Article discussion for Leaky EditorsModerator Room2422
01/27/2012 11:59:22Re: Article discussion for Leaky EditorsModerator Room2422

Articles

DateTitleHits
01/30/2013 18:59:51Ryan Reynolds To Begin New Career as Ryan Gosling Impersonator820
01/14/2013 21:05:52Los Angeles Man Sees His Breath, Six Weeks Til Swimsuit Season560
12/04/2012 12:49:00Editorial: Tips for Seceding from an Unhealthy Union1195
10/22/2012 22:53:09TLW Investigates: Voter Fraud1166
10/18/2012 23:18:07Study Links XXL T-shirts to Obesity1818
10/15/2012 22:58:24Fox News Diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia1514
10/13/2012 22:22:41Miracle in Disaster Zone Saves 2, 859 Perish2121
10/06/2012 22:50:47Editorial: Founding Fathers' Intent1352
10/01/2012 04:44:18Man Survives Jump from Golden Gate Bridge, Sues Pacific Ocean1563
09/30/2012 15:30:25Editorial: Where's My Socialist Muslim Theocracy?1725
09/25/2012 23:53:33Professional Badminton Players' Strike Enters Its Fifth Year1598
09/23/2012 12:47:54Local Man Registers 47Percent.net, Waits for Money to Roll In1645
09/20/2012 14:23:17Image of Muhammad Found in Toast, IHOP Burnt to Ground2333
09/08/2012 22:01:47Romney Discovers New, Encoded Message From Founding Fathers1692
09/04/2012 21:12:13Ancient Holy Texts Discovered To Be Shitty First Novel2039
09/03/2012 16:53:14Accident on the 405 Freeway Leaves Thousands with Neck Strain3399
09/03/2012 15:28:16College Student Discovers that All of Mankind Can Be Divided into Two Categories2188
08/24/2012 22:16:45Editorial: You're Reading This Because You Googled 'Paul Ryan'2044
08/22/2012 11:28:52The Leaky Wiki Investigates: Peyote4892
08/01/2012 23:56:43Romney Horse in Olympic Scandal, Russian Rendezvous2516
07/06/2012 08:14:46Mitt Romney Lights Cigar with $100 Bill to Show Outrage over Economic Downturn4970
07/02/2012 20:45:08Giant Fissure Opens in Antarctica, Shoggoths Escape 4591
07/02/2012 20:44:03Taco Bell Not Responsible for Listeria Outbreak, CEO Shocked6698
07/02/2012 20:42:56Editorial: I Am Justin Bieber's Tattoo4693
07/02/2012 20:41:25Michael Bay Really Two Kids Standing on Each Other's Shoulders6611
07/02/2012 20:41:18Dozens of Kittens Die in Pet Shop Cat-tastrophe4009
07/02/2012 20:40:27Sec. of the Treasury Really Hates That Eagle4492
07/02/2012 20:40:14Anthropologists Say Early Humans Had Sex with Everything6491
07/02/2012 20:39:05Man Jailbreaks iPhone, Five Years Added to Contract3924
07/02/2012 20:35:10Steampunk All-Star Accused of Using Performance-Enhancing Leeches7683
07/02/2012 20:28:43Horoscopes 4546
07/02/2012 20:26:26Moms Protest Books in School Library3588
07/02/2012 20:26:22Assholes Tweet 'Need Money' from New iPads4384
07/02/2012 20:09:27Joseph Kony Dying from Attention Poisoning4221
07/02/2012 20:05:35Ask Archie!4374
07/02/2012 20:00:17Man Bites Dog, Scheduled to be Euthanized4123
07/02/2012 19:58:32TLW Investigates: Zombies6287
07/02/2012 19:56:32Motivational Speakers Promote Synergy Positive Mobility Upwards Teamwork6535
07/02/2012 19:54:44Keith Richards Outlives Another Pop Icon11094
07/02/2012 19:50:55Storyline for 8 Years of Kardashians Leaked Online6001
07/02/2012 19:47:04Cure for Insomnia Found, Sense and Sensibility5572
07/01/2012 23:37:57New DARE Program Gives Kids "Bad Trip"8461
07/01/2012 23:34:42New Version of Bible for "The Modern True Believer"9177
07/01/2012 23:33:46ExxonMobil Announces Bid for Presidency6967
07/01/2012 23:31:18The Leaky Wiki Sells Out6154
07/01/2012 23:30:58Modern Art Masterpiece Discovered in LACMA Bathroom8641
07/01/2012 23:29:58Face of David Hasselhoff Appears on Tortilla5934
07/01/2012 23:29:44God Has No Idea What to Get for Son's Birthday5175
07/01/2012 23:27:27Damn Kids Egged My House Again4707
07/01/2012 23:26:52Teen Steals Spotlight in Talent Show, Everyone Else Performs in the Dark5125
07/01/2012 23:25:32U.S. to Stop Using Chinese Water Torture, Offensive to Chinese Americans6238
07/01/2012 23:20:08Morgan Freeman and Gene Wilder Have Delightful Shouting Match5811
07/01/2012 22:19:15Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Divorce over Katie's Crazy Religion5093
05/13/2012 23:03:06Milton Waddams Indicted for Embezzling Money from Initech, Arson6005
05/11/2012 04:22:12Local Man "Didn't Get" Tree of Life4101
04/22/2012 22:08:28Somali Pirates Adopt New Tactics, Swords and Eye-patches4523
04/22/2012 22:00:53Controversy Over Obama's Birth Certificate, Existence3026
04/22/2012 21:54:21Ghosthunters solve another mystery3651
04/22/2012 21:52:24Nigeria Reconsiders Political System of Hundreds of Princes3607
04/22/2012 21:48:08Apple Announces Release of iGod3413
04/22/2012 21:46:00Jersey shore season premiere approaching, cast exits hibernation3807
04/22/2012 20:59:25Michele Bachmann Considered Serious Candidate, Rumors of Witchcraft Intensify3245
04/22/2012 20:47:48Disastrous Weather Divine Punishment for Believing in Global Warming5319
04/22/2012 20:42:43ACLU says internet is sexist, 4Chan demands sandwich44591
02/15/2012 16:12:34TLW Investigates: Garfield3556
02/15/2012 16:10:07TLW Investigates: Ivory Coast3055
02/15/2012 16:03:33TLW Investigates: Finals4145
02/15/2012 15:58:21Editorial: I Tell My Parents That I Write Internet Comedy6535
02/15/2012 15:53:10TLW Investigates: Planking3988
02/15/2012 15:52:11The Leaky Wiki Investigates: The Chupacabra7220
02/15/2012 15:49:56Horoscopes for the week of (TBD)3745
02/15/2012 15:46:57TLW Investigates: Black Friday3515
02/15/2012 15:34:46Horoscopes for the week of August 22nd2995
02/15/2012 15:33:14Horoscopes3340
01/19/2012 17:30:51Gloria Allred is "Judge" on Fake Court Series, Jokes Write Themselves821
01/15/2012 16:58:55Chris Christie "Not" Going to Run for President5920
12/04/2011 16:36:09Parents Give First-Born Joke Name, Lifetime of Resentment4708
11/24/2011 06:08:39Mitt Romney to Remain Completely Still Until Primary3200
11/16/2011 15:44:39San Fernando Valley Commemorate History of Porn, Increase Tourism4481
11/02/2011 16:24:09Federal Gov't to Star in Own Reality Show2836
10/26/2011 16:55:45Man Has Three Split Personalities, All More Interesting Than Him5801
10/23/2011 16:22:00Man to Make Porn Version of Every Movie Ever12777
10/19/2011 15:57:26Facebook Bans Copy/Paste Statuses, Bullies Take Over World4026
10/12/2011 16:38:39A Day at the L.A. County Fair4235
09/21/2011 14:50:49Men's Rights Activists "Sick and Tired of Being Treated Like Women."6226
09/14/2011 16:08:22Gotham Knights Batboy Promoted to Batman, Confusion Ensues8221
09/11/2011 17:01:22Gloria Allred Sues TLW for Inevitable Gloria Allred Jokes2914
09/07/2011 16:56:27Objectivists Urge the American Public to not See "Atlas Shrugged"4829
09/04/2011 16:21:10TSA Suspected of Using Confiscated Lotion, Faces Disqualification from Pageant3135
08/28/2011 15:07:36Mubarak and Gaddafi cop a plea, "The Deposed Couple" to air this fall2993
08/24/2011 15:54:57Newt Gingrich flops in Iowa, in it for the Free Food4248
08/17/2011 15:50:33Google +: We Already Know Everything About You, Why Not Switch?3335
08/11/2011 11:48:12George Lucas to Remaster, Ruin Indiana Jones Trilogy3660
08/11/2011 11:46:59Wisconsin Schools Go Vegetarian, Serve Eight New Flavors of Butter3964
08/11/2011 11:45:46Man Lived Entire Life in Isolation, Becomes Tea Party Frontrunner3155
08/11/2011 03:51:34Academy Awards to Introduce over 400 New Categories, Not Play Favorites3814
08/01/2011 13:23:20Local Man Wins Big in Eastern European Lottery4745
07/19/2011 21:11:58Harry Potter, Winnie the Pooh, Robot Chicken Star Wars943
07/18/2011 10:30:27Gay Marriage Legalization Leads to Divorce of Desperately Unhappy New York Couple10422
07/02/2011 18:30:42Deficit rises, Congress turns to merchandising3654
06/17/2011 15:52:21Local Hipster Looks Up Irony, Changes Lifestyle11893
06/16/2011 16:31:49Weiner resigns, network news ratings plummet1989
05/30/2011 14:28:40Royal Shakespeare Company gives flash flood warning.1429

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Twitter Leaks

TheLeakyWiki: Romney: "I love China. I love fortune cookies! But we can't continue this trade without nuking the shit out of them or something."

TheLeakyWiki: Chinese ninjas lead secret war against Romney's campaign #debate

TheLeakyWiki: Obama gains the terrorists' vote by reassuring them that they're still just as scary as they were on 9/11 #debate #Obama

TheLeakyWiki: Romney moves out of Pakistan's house into a Motel 6 #debate

TheLeakyWiki: Romney points out that although America is four years closer to war no matter who is elected, it will be more fun with Romney #debate

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