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Horoscopes

Libra: The eclipse of Mars by Venus suggests that you have a secret admirer! But do that special someone a favor, and act surprised when he sends you your first letter written in his own blood.

Scorpio: People often tell you that the truth will set you free. While this may be true in an existential sense, the truth will almost definitely get you 3-5 years in a medium security prison.

Sagittarius: You might have to make the best of a bad situation. It would be advisable to watch Weekend at Bernie’s, just in case.

Capricorn: Things seem to be spiraling out of control. Now would be a good time to pull back on the throttle and even things out before you drop below cruising altitude.

Aquarius: Things in your life will become clearer, and you may have some newfound regrets. Like waiting so long to see an optometrist.

Pisces: Sometimes you have to let people you don’t like take the lead. Just remember, the early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

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Articles

DateTitleHits
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10/10/2012 22:04:50Golf1149
09/11/2012 19:47:03Dancing Epidemic Death Toll Reaches 1401384
09/03/2012 16:59:51UK Holds Charity Concert For Rapists1406
08/25/2012 08:47:57U.K Olympic Legacy in Question1716
08/01/2012 23:58:06Now Look What's Happened2786
07/12/2012 01:09:56Policing The 2012 London Olympics2717
07/02/2012 20:34:34Study Finds Alcohol Responsible for People Having Fun3952
07/02/2012 20:26:32NATO Leaps Into Action Over Syria6270
07/02/2012 20:05:41World's Oldest Man Wants To Die4482
07/02/2012 19:59:52Boxing Descends Into Violence5365
07/02/2012 19:58:37Horoscopes 3850
07/01/2012 23:36:06Republican Candidates to "Slog It Out With Hammers"5063
07/01/2012 23:35:53UK Space Agency Mars Probe "Disappointing"7160
07/01/2012 23:33:11Governor of Virginia in Racist Biscuit Outrage5634
07/01/2012 23:31:51UK Homeless To Be Stored In Coffins7080
07/01/2012 23:26:09Human Bicycle Punctures Face5042
04/30/2012 07:00:49Terrible Accident959
04/27/2012 03:22:49Compassionate Leave1753
04/20/2012 08:05:21Badly Drawn Zoo945
03/19/2012 00:21:04Free Enterprise1210
02/29/2012 01:22:49The Birth of the Balloon 1481
02/27/2012 00:45:26Nuisance1388
02/15/2012 16:00:56Editorial: Did Wednesday June 19th 1985 Ever Happen?3882
02/15/2012 15:59:01Editorial: I Get Paid By The Word2917
11/09/2011 15:59:42Report Says "Gardening" is a "Waste of Time"3587
11/06/2011 15:44:49U.K Government To Privatise The Country's Oxygen3260

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