Libra: The eclipse of Mars by Venus suggests that you have a secret admirer! But do that special someone a favor, and act surprised when he sends you your first letter written in his own blood.
Scorpio: People often tell you that the truth will set you free. While this may be true in an existential sense, the truth will almost definitely get you 3-5 years in a medium security prison.
Sagittarius: You might have to make the best of a bad situation. It would be advisable to watch Weekend at Bernie’s, just in case.
Capricorn: Things seem to be spiraling out of control. Now would be a good time to pull back on the throttle and even things out before you drop below cruising altitude.
Aquarius: Things in your life will become clearer, and you may have some newfound regrets. Like waiting so long to see an optometrist.
Pisces: Sometimes you have to let people you don’t like take the lead. Just remember, the early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
|10/12/2012 07:32:11||Biden Apologizes for Making Ryan Cry||1129|
|10/02/2012 10:00:55||Expert: Group Projects Lower 99% of Student IQs, Turns Other 1% Into Antisocial Jerks||1207|
|09/29/2012 14:31:37||Bored Teenagers Demand to Know Why World Has Not Ended Yet||669|
|09/23/2012 11:57:31||Studies Find Addictive Gambling Raises IQ of Children||1066|
|09/22/2012 20:29:23||Week of September 22, 2012||655|
|09/08/2012 22:09:35||Week of September 8, 2012||886|
|07/31/2012 22:59:31||Dad is a Snake 3||6|
|07/31/2012 22:59:25||Dad is a Snake 2||10|
|07/02/2012 19:51:07||Romney Challenges Gingrich To A Dance-Off For Lead||3900|
|07/02/2012 19:45:58||Manchester United's Wayne Rooney Requests Change of Position on Team, Worried About Hair Becoming Disheveled||2062|
|07/01/2012 23:37:36||Major powers signal openness to Iran talks||4269|
|05/13/2012 23:04:31||Dad is a Snake||2994|
|05/09/2012 01:45:01||Blockbuster Movie||2433|
|05/04/2012 03:02:41||Sext Support||2769|
|04/25/2012 00:13:28||Manchester United Player Discusses Infidelity On Upcoming Dr. Phil Show||327|
|04/22/2012 22:19:45||Fury Over Video Game Violence as Queen Decapitates Parkinson||1984|
|04/22/2012 21:54:27||Local V.A.M.P Chapter Takes Stephanie Meyer to Court||1904|
|04/22/2012 21:50:42||International Committee to Re-brand 'Boring' Sports||2573|
|04/22/2012 21:49:36||Republican Presidential Candidate Tim Pawlenty Googles Himself, Commits Suicide||2266|
|04/22/2012 21:45:32||Osama's Eye isn't quite what it seems||984|
|04/22/2012 21:44:34||Fairy Tale Stars Take Out Injunctions||2322|
|04/22/2012 21:43:33||Editorial: Why aren't we teaching horses abstinence in horsey schools?||3190|
|04/22/2012 21:36:53||Local Man's Whiskey Does Not Make Him Royalty||2543|
|04/22/2012 21:35:33||Jersey Shore Season 4 Being Filmed in Italy, a Sneaky Way to Deport Them?||2784|
|04/22/2012 21:32:35||Donald Trump Finds 'Evidence' that Barack Obama is a "Socialist Fascist Alien from Mars"||2937|
|04/22/2012 21:04:09||Sports Briefs...FROM THE FUTURE!!!!||1989|
|04/09/2012 07:12:20||Sweet Dreams||1645|
|03/07/2012 10:20:52||Art School||1044|