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Horoscopes

Libra: The eclipse of Mars by Venus suggests that you have a secret admirer! But do that special someone a favor, and act surprised when he sends you your first letter written in his own blood.

Scorpio: People often tell you that the truth will set you free. While this may be true in an existential sense, the truth will almost definitely get you 3-5 years in a medium security prison.

Sagittarius: You might have to make the best of a bad situation. It would be advisable to watch Weekend at Bernie’s, just in case.

Capricorn: Things seem to be spiraling out of control. Now would be a good time to pull back on the throttle and even things out before you drop below cruising altitude.

Aquarius: Things in your life will become clearer, and you may have some newfound regrets. Like waiting so long to see an optometrist.

Pisces: Sometimes you have to let people you don’t like take the lead. Just remember, the early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

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Last 15 Forum Posts
DateDESCASCSubjectDESCASCCategoryDESCASCHitsDESCASC
04/08/2012 02:46:36Scientists Discover the Source of All BullshitArticle Discussion48
04/06/2012 00:08:11Re: Dozens of Kittens Die in Cat-tastropheArticle Discussion76

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09/03/2012 16:48:02Chris Christie Consumes Paul Ryan, Assumes VP Candidacy 1614
07/02/2012 20:42:21Man Goes 30 Days Without McDonald's3468
07/02/2012 20:38:35Scientists Discover the Source of All Bullshit5933
06/22/2012 12:23:04Breaking: Heat win NBA Finals, Big Changes Coming3333
06/19/2012 05:07:40Occasional Writer Cannot Come Up With Idea4961
04/18/2012 08:02:51All Puns Intended V1093
04/13/2012 05:21:17All Puns Intended IV766
04/06/2012 00:53:36All Puns Intended III844
03/29/2012 22:38:27All Puns Intended II745
03/28/2012 07:33:57All Puns Intended I805

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