Libra: The eclipse of Mars by Venus suggests that you have a secret admirer! But do that special someone a favor, and act surprised when he sends you your first letter written in his own blood.
Scorpio: People often tell you that the truth will set you free. While this may be true in an existential sense, the truth will almost definitely get you 3-5 years in a medium security prison.
Sagittarius: You might have to make the best of a bad situation. It would be advisable to watch Weekend at Bernie’s, just in case.
Capricorn: Things seem to be spiraling out of control. Now would be a good time to pull back on the throttle and even things out before you drop below cruising altitude.
Aquarius: Things in your life will become clearer, and you may have some newfound regrets. Like waiting so long to see an optometrist.
Pisces: Sometimes you have to let people you don’t like take the lead. Just remember, the early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
|09/03/2012 16:48:02||Chris Christie Consumes Paul Ryan, Assumes VP Candidacy||1614|
|07/02/2012 20:42:21||Man Goes 30 Days Without McDonald's||3468|
|07/02/2012 20:38:35||Scientists Discover the Source of All Bullshit||5933|
|06/22/2012 12:23:04||Breaking: Heat win NBA Finals, Big Changes Coming||3333|
|06/19/2012 05:07:40||Occasional Writer Cannot Come Up With Idea||4961|
|04/18/2012 08:02:51||All Puns Intended V||1093|
|04/13/2012 05:21:17||All Puns Intended IV||766|
|04/06/2012 00:53:36||All Puns Intended III||844|
|03/29/2012 22:38:27||All Puns Intended II||745|
|03/28/2012 07:33:57||All Puns Intended I||805|