The Leaky Wiki

BREAKING NEWS

Kim and Kanye's Baby to be Named Kristmas

Phish Ticket Sales Down after Marijuana Legalization in CO

Obama's Favorite Movie is Paul Blart Mall Cop

Lizzie from Arcade Game Rampage is a Reality after Shale Gas Water Supply Contamination

Mars Curiosity Kills Cat

Man On Diet Of Toothpaste "Still Minty" after Six Years

John Boehner to Star in The Sound of Music on Broadway

Cats Apparently a Big Thing on the Internet

Mars Curiosity Rover Finds Rock Blah Blah Blah

"Yeah. Sure," Says Person Who Isn't Listening to a Goddamn Thing I Say

1:58:34 am EDT AM

Saturday, 18 May 2013

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Horoscopes

Libra: The eclipse of Mars by Venus suggests that you have a secret admirer! But do that special someone a favor, and act surprised when he sends you your first letter written in his own blood.

Scorpio: People often tell you that the truth will set you free. While this may be true in an existential sense, the truth will almost definitely get you 3-5 years in a medium security prison.

Sagittarius: You might have to make the best of a bad situation. It would be advisable to watch Weekend at Bernie’s, just in case.

Capricorn: Things seem to be spiraling out of control. Now would be a good time to pull back on the throttle and even things out before you drop below cruising altitude.

Aquarius: Things in your life will become clearer, and you may have some newfound regrets. Like waiting so long to see an optometrist.

Pisces: Sometimes you have to let people you don’t like take the lead. Just remember, the early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

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Sheriff Demands Genetic Screening of President

Written by Steve Stevenson

Sheriff Joe Arpaio is well known for being a tough customer, and his stance on illegal immigration is tougher than most. That’s why when President Barrack Obama produced his birth certificate as proof of his American…

Every Actor in The World to Play Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson

Written by Joe Bloghead

Humphrey Bogart, speaking at the 1951 Academy Awards, famously said that the only fair way to find the best actor would be to let everybody play Hamlet and let the best man win.An agreement was made…

Joseph Kony Dying from Attention Poisoning

Written by Matthew Kahn

A recently escaped member of the Lord’s Resistance Army (L.R.A.), the army of children soldiers led by Joseph Kony, delivered important information to United Nations officials. The fourteen year-old escaped during a night march two days…

Dead Celebrities Secret Island Found

Written by David-Troi Sweatt

TLW has answered the long time question of where our beloved celebrities have gone. This was first discovered when our reporters followed Whitney Houston's transportation the night after her funeral. We thought it suspicious they were…

Half of British Public want Thatcher to have a State Funeral, Other Half Just Want Her to be Dead

Written by Joe Bloghead

Following Meryl Streep's Oscar win for her performance in The Iron Lady, debate has been renewed in Britain over the legacy of Margaret Thatcher. In particular debate has been centred around what should happen in the…

TLW Stalks A Celebrity: "Dr. McNinja" Creator Chris Hastings!

Written by Steve Stevenson

If you haven't read Dr. McNinja, then there's a good chance that you're using your internet all wrong. The increasingly bizarre adventures of a doctor who is…