The Leaky Wiki

BREAKING NEWS

Kim and Kanye's Baby to be Named Kristmas

Phish Ticket Sales Down after Marijuana Legalization in CO

Obama's Favorite Movie is Paul Blart Mall Cop

Lizzie from Arcade Game Rampage is a Reality after Shale Gas Water Supply Contamination

Mars Curiosity Kills Cat

Man On Diet Of Toothpaste "Still Minty" after Six Years

John Boehner to Star in The Sound of Music on Broadway

Cats Apparently a Big Thing on the Internet

Mars Curiosity Rover Finds Rock Blah Blah Blah

"Yeah. Sure," Says Person Who Isn't Listening to a Goddamn Thing I Say

5:21:29 am EDT AM

Wednesday, 22 May 2013

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Horoscopes

Libra: The eclipse of Mars by Venus suggests that you have a secret admirer! But do that special someone a favor, and act surprised when he sends you your first letter written in his own blood.

Scorpio: People often tell you that the truth will set you free. While this may be true in an existential sense, the truth will almost definitely get you 3-5 years in a medium security prison.

Sagittarius: You might have to make the best of a bad situation. It would be advisable to watch Weekend at Bernie’s, just in case.

Capricorn: Things seem to be spiraling out of control. Now would be a good time to pull back on the throttle and even things out before you drop below cruising altitude.

Aquarius: Things in your life will become clearer, and you may have some newfound regrets. Like waiting so long to see an optometrist.

Pisces: Sometimes you have to let people you don’t like take the lead. Just remember, the early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

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SXSW Registration Line; Is Technology Really Worth It?

Written by Patrick O'Brien

The Holy Grail of social technology, the South by Southwest interactive badge, is at the end of a line some say never ends, and never begins.Weary travelers from around the globe arrived at the Austin convention…

TLW Stalks A Celebrity: Bermuda Schwartz

Written by David-Troi Sweatt

The Leaky Wiki decides their next victim of stalking: Jon "Bermuda" Schwartz, best known for being the drummer with Weird "Al" Yankovic. Born in Chicago, Illinois on August 18th, 1956. TLW was only able to ask…

Local Boy Gets a Record 7 "Likes" on Witty Status Update

Written by Taylor Bates

GREENSBURG, OH - Local student and socially-awkward teen, Randy Thompson, shattered all expectations today when his "status update" on popular social media website, Facebook.com, garnered a commanding seven “likes” within just two hours of being…

World's Oldest Man Wants To Die

Written by Matt Upchuck

"I stopped celebrating my birthday years ago. What's to celebrate? When it got to the point that I wasn't capable of wiping my own arse it didn't seem appropriate to celebrate anything."

His family say it…

Ask Archie!

Written by Matthew Kahn

Three months ago, a shipment of letters to a popular teen advice columnist were mistakenly delivered to 86 year-old Archie Brewer, veteran of WWII and the Korean War. Having nothing else to occupy his time, he…

“United Kingdom Much Like Voltron” Claims PM

Written by Steve Stevenson

LONDON, UK-- The Prime minister’s opinions concerning the proposed independence of Scotland and its break away from the United Kingdom have often been criticized by the public…