The Leaky Wiki

BREAKING NEWS

Kim and Kanye's Baby to be Named Kristmas

Phish Ticket Sales Down after Marijuana Legalization in CO

Obama's Favorite Movie is Paul Blart Mall Cop

Lizzie from Arcade Game Rampage is a Reality after Shale Gas Water Supply Contamination

Mars Curiosity Kills Cat

Man On Diet Of Toothpaste "Still Minty" after Six Years

John Boehner to Star in The Sound of Music on Broadway

Cats Apparently a Big Thing on the Internet

Mars Curiosity Rover Finds Rock Blah Blah Blah

"Yeah. Sure," Says Person Who Isn't Listening to a Goddamn Thing I Say

11:16:42 pm EDT PM

Wednesday, 22 May 2013

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Horoscopes

Libra: The eclipse of Mars by Venus suggests that you have a secret admirer! But do that special someone a favor, and act surprised when he sends you your first letter written in his own blood.

Scorpio: People often tell you that the truth will set you free. While this may be true in an existential sense, the truth will almost definitely get you 3-5 years in a medium security prison.

Sagittarius: You might have to make the best of a bad situation. It would be advisable to watch Weekend at Bernie’s, just in case.

Capricorn: Things seem to be spiraling out of control. Now would be a good time to pull back on the throttle and even things out before you drop below cruising altitude.

Aquarius: Things in your life will become clearer, and you may have some newfound regrets. Like waiting so long to see an optometrist.

Pisces: Sometimes you have to let people you don’t like take the lead. Just remember, the early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

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Studies Find Addictive Gambling Raises IQ of Children

Written by Jake Kaplan and Julien Blower

A recent study conducted by Harvard University in Massachusetts revealed that children who play really great online games such as da Vinci Diamonds are 98.55 percent more likely to have a higher IQ than those who…

Editorial: Mushrooms Are Suspicious

Written by Julien Blower

It has recently come to my attention that my fellow Americans are not aware of what is to be believed as extraterrestrial concern involving the origins of the mushroom vegetables. I myself am a devoted Christian,…

Lifetime TV Announces New Show With Abby Lee Miller - Dance or be Devoured

Written by Julien Blower

Lifetime television has announced a new reality dance program, to feature "Dance Moms" Abby Lee Miller, called "Dance or Be Devoured." Twelve full-figured dancers will compete for the ultimate prize, or face the ultimate sacrifice. The…

Image of Muhammad Found in Toast, IHOP Burnt to Ground

Written by Matthew Kahn

The Cairo franchise of the International House of Pancakes (IHOP) was burned to the ground last night by religious extremists. According to eyewitness accounts, anywhere from five to twenty armed men razed the restaurant mere…

Mitt Romney Believed to be 80% Plastic

Written by Steve Stevenson

Shocking news today as Republican candidate Mitt Romney admitted that he is mostly made out of recycled plastic.“It’s true,” he said. “I lost the vast majority of my skin in a hot tub accident. The doctors…